Civility

Hello All,

I actually woke up at a decent time the other morning. George decided it was acceptable to wake me up closer to 6:00 a.m. vs. his usual timeframe of 4:30 a.m. to 5:30 a.m.! My furry alarm clock gets right up to whichever ear best catches his interest and meows rather loudly…..and repeatedly. My cue to start the day by feeding him and his brothers!

But I was still tired. So I checked my temperature – yep, normal. I could still taste my very hot English breakfast tea. I could still smell. I didn’t feel any worse than any other day with my aging body. So I figured physically I was good to go.

Interestingly, that same morning Ginger sent me a meme with Pooh and Piglet walking down the road, and their conversation went like this: “Pooh?” “Yeah, Piglet?” “I’m tired of all of this.” “I am too, Piglet. I am too.”

And I realized I am tired of something too – incivility. When did it become acceptable to be rude? When did it become acceptable to hate? When did it become acceptable to tear others down – physically, emotionally and spiritually? When did we become each other’s enemy? And when and how do we all stop this?

Civility comes from the Latin word “civis” which means citizen. (How about that, Ms. Lee! Those three years of Latin in high school came in handy! Thank you for your educational prowess!) It means courtesy and politeness in conduct (deed) and word. I fear that what we are seeing in large part today – in politics, our communities and our world – would hardly be described as civility.

Did you know there is a non-partisan, nonprofit called The Institute for Civility in Government? The founders Tomas Spath and Cassandra Dahnke defined civility as follows:

“Civility is claiming and caring for one’s identity, needs and beliefs without degrading someone else’s in the process.”

I don’t think I am alone in feeling we are more entrenched in battle than we are trying to move forward. Ms. Dahnke further stated that “…..incivility among constituents, political candidates and elected representatives has lead to a situation in which we often mistake our political adversaries as enemies.” She further stated that “incivility drives wedges through our society that truly keeps us from our full potential.” She said this a number of years ago! And it is just as accurate, and potentially more so, today.

I don’t mean this to be only about politics. Incivility is also seen in our every day lives. We look for the bad instead of the good. We are quick to judge without listening. We are quick to hurt others – sometimes with words, sometimes with deeds.

I looked for inspiration about what I could do to personally help myself and others. Ty Howard, an inspirational speaker, provided the clearest “civility steps”:

1. Be polite.

2. Speak kind words.

3. Act with manners.

4. Give and show respect.

5. Lead by positive example.

Sounds simple – harder to do. I am committed to doing my part. I – in fact, we – can hold others accountable to do the same. We have the power in our hands in November when we vote. We have the power in our every day lives to chose how we present. Let’s chose civility.

We are stronger together. We are better  together. We are better when we celebrate our diversity – because who would want a world where we all looked or thought alike? We are better when we work on solutions together – bringing multiple viewpoints to inform us and move us forward. There is very rarely only one right answer! We are better when we are kind.

We are citizens – of our communities, of America, of the world. We can do better. We can lead by example. We can come together to make our communities, country and our world better. We can follow the civility steps.

Always chose to be kind.

Phyl

P.S. You know my true love for quotes! Here are some civility quotes for you to ponder, from an assortment of people across time:

“Civility is not a sign of  weakness.” – John F. Kennedy

“Civility does not…..mean the mere outward gentleness of speech cultivated for the occasion, but an inborn gentleness and desire to do the opponent good.” – Mahatma Gandhi

“Civility isn’t just some optional value in a multicultural, multistate democratic republic. Civility is the key to civilization.” – Van Jones

“The civility of no race can be perfect whilst another race is degraded. It is a doctrine alike of the oldest and of the newest philosophy, that man is one, and that you cannot injure any member without a sympathetic injury to all members.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Civility is not a tactic or sentiment. It is the determined choice of trust over cynicism, of community over chaos.” – George W. Bush

“I know no religion that destroys courtesy, civility and kindness.” – William Penn

“Leadership that includes insensitivity and harassment is not leadership at all. It’s conscious recklessness that shuts down spirit, support, productivity, growth and results.” – Ty Howard”