Empathy in football & medicine

Hello All,

I have always believed that empathy is a superpower. It is a critical skill for leaders, regardless of the field. The ability to understand and share the feelings of another – the capacity to place oneself in another’s position – to walk in another’s shoes, if you will. It makes a huge difference in relationships, personal and professional.

I have been thinking a lot about empathy this week, because of two people in wildly different professions. The first person is Patrick Mahomes, the quarterback of the Kansas City Chiefs. Last week’s football game against the Bills was a hard fought, excellent game – perhaps one of the most thrilling football games I have seen in a while. From the 13-second march down the field at the end of the regulation game, to the win in overtime, I was screaming my head off. As exciting as the game was, what Mahomes did next, was even better. Instead of celebrating with his team right away, he raced down the field to find Josh Allen, the Bills’ incredible QB. Mahomes embraced Allen and shared words of encouragement. Mahomes knew what this loss felt like, having experienced the same thing (in 2019, courtesy of Tom Brady and the New England Patriots). Josh Allen was quoted to say, “He threw the winning touchdown and comes right over to find me. To be in that situation and do that was pretty cool of him.”

Justin Bariso, author of EQ Applied, said “This simple gesture is a classy sign of sportsmanship, but it’s also much more. It’s a valuable lesson in emotional intelligence, and more specifically in the quality of empathy.” Bariso notes that showing empathy is not as easy as one might think. He noted that part of this is due to the “perspective gap”, also called the “empathy gap”. This is when one underestimates the effects of an intense situation (physically or psychologically), especially if she/he has faced the same challenge. We are “somewhat calloused, forgetting how intense our feelings of grief or pain were. Our default thought process is something like ‘Oh, it wasn’t so bad.'” He noted that Mahomes overcame that gap because he felt Allen’s pain. Bariso stated then Mahomes went a step further – he showed compassionate empathy.

Compassionate empathy “moves a person to actually do something about what they’ve discovered.” Mahomes helped how he could, by recognizing and encouraging a fierce competitor. Two men who had played their hearts out, who left everything on the field. Two men that I foresee will have many more opportunities to play each other in semifinal and Super Bowl games for years to come.

The second reason I thought of empathy was the loss of a dear friend, excellent physician and wonderful human being, Dr. Beningo “Ben” Federici. Ben was an ob-gyn, beloved by his patients, his staff, his friends and family. Ben was an incredible diagnostician and technician – but what really set him apart though was his empathy. He was a great listener. He never minimized a patient’s pain, be it physical or emotional. He partnered with his patients, recognizing they had invited him to be part of their pregnancy journey. He always came when called, even if it was to help another physician’s patient! (Babies decide when they are coming, whether the doctor is stuck in traffic or not!). He may not have ever given birth, but his compassion and understanding allowed him to provide empathy to help others. His death is a loss to all of us who were privileged to know him.

So why is empathy important for us as humans – for us as leaders? When a person feels understood, feels heard, feels supported, they are, as Bariso states “more likely to try to reciprocate that effort…..to pay that empathy forward.” As leaders, it helps us to build stronger, deeper and more meaningful relationships. It helps build loyalty. It helps build a stronger workplace – a stronger life.

Show empathy – be compassionate – it makes a difference.

Phyl